Tuesday, May 26, 2009

God, the Greatest Scientist of All!

Hey Bible Scholars!! Sorry for the delay between the posts. The good Reverend was at a Bible conference working with other wonderful Bible scholars and learning more and more about God’s Good Word to us! Thanks for your patience.

Anyway, after all of that travel, praise, research, and general festivities, I am pretty tired so we are going to go with a short, but very interesting Bible study today. We’re going to have a very interesting science lesson today. We’re going to look at the science in Leviticus. As we all know, the Bible is the infallible word of God. We also know that God knows way more about his special creation, Earth, than any scientist could possibly understand about this wonderful Earth. In fact, scientists continue to overlook the Bible as an important resource for their scientific study. They try to refute God’s Holy Word by doing experiments and conducting studies and using so-called “evidence.” Today, I want to show you some key scientific truths told to us by God which the scientists have chosen to ignore. We will just be looking at one book of the Bible: Leviticus.

Let’s take a look:

Leviticus 11:5-7 (King James Version)
5And the coney, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. 6And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

Very interesting, the coney (which is an English word for rabbit or can also be understood as a Pica) and the hare, according to the Greatest Scientist of All Time actually are ruminants. Scientists, however, do not think this is the case. A typical scientist would tell you that neither of these animals actually chew cud. However, God clearly tells us this is the case.

Leviticus 11:13-19 (King James Version)
13And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray, 14And the vulture, and the kite after his kind; 15Every raven after his kind; 16And the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind, 17And the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl, 18And the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle, 19And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

Once again, we see something here that the atheist scientists have chosen to ignore. God has given us a list of birds that we should not eat. Included on this list is the bat. Thus, it is clear that a bat is a kind of bird and not a mammal as the scientists would want us to believe.

Leviticus 11:20 (King James Version)
20All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.

In this verse, God is telling us that he has created four legged birds! However, I have done a great deal of research on this very topic and cannot find a single scientific article which discusses the existence of these four legged birds. What kind of shoddy science is this? If God says they exist, they must exist. I demand that these so called scientists go out and discover such birds.

Leviticus 11:22-23
22Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind. 23But all other flying creeping things, which have four feet, shall be an abomination unto you.

Here God is telling us about the insects that we may eat. In verse 23, God clearly tells us that there are insects which have four feet. Most scientists would have us believe that insects have 6 feet, but clearly that is not correct. Leviticus tells us otherwise. From this we know that insects have four feet and two hands, not six feet. I wish these scientists would not distort the truth.

These short verses tell us what we need to understand about the world. God created it. He knows all about it. We should not be trusting scientists or teachers or anyone who would come along and tell us that things are other than what God said they are. Enough of the secularist’s lies!

Let us Pray. “Dear Lord, we are amazed by your creation. While the four legged mosquitoes tend to be a bit of a pain this time of year, we know that they are your creation. Give us the strength to stand up to the scientists and proclaim that your creation is truly good albeit a little confusing. In Your Holy Name, AMEN!”

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Hypocrisy on an Infinite Scale

Hello Bible Scholars! Today’s post is concerned with one of the seven deadly sins: jealousy. The dictionary defines jealousy as “envious, resentful or bitter in rivalry.” Basically, what we are dealing here with are the feelings of resentfulness when someone has something that we do not have. The Bible has some very clear teachings on jealousy:

Galatians 5:20-21
20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Romans 13:12-13
13Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.

1 Timothy 6:4-5
4He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings,
5Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.

Proverbs 27:4
4Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?

Proverbs 6:33-35
33A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
34For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
35He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts.

Proverbs 14:30
30A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.

Romans 1:29
29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

Talking a look at these verses, I think it is pretty safe to say that jealousy is a sin according to the word of God. Not only is it a sin, it seems pretty clear that Paul sees it as one of the worst sins. He lumps it in with murder, fornication, and drunkenness. I don’t think that there can be any debate that jealousy is a sin.

Until you read these verses:

Exodus 20:4-6
5Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

Exodus 34:14
14For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:

Deuteronomy 4:24
24For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God.

Deuteronomy 5:9
9Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me,

Deuteronomy 6:15
15(For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth.

Deuteronomy 29:20
20The LORD will not spare him, but then the anger of the LORD and his jealousy shall smoke against that man, and all the curses that are written in this book shall lie upon him, and the LORD shall blot out his name from under heaven.

Joshua 24:19
19And Joshua said unto the people, Ye cannot serve the LORD: for he is an holy God; he is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins.

Psalm 79:5
5How long, LORD? wilt thou be angry for ever? shall thy jealousy burn like fire?

Nahum 1:2
2God is jealous, and the LORD revengeth; the LORD revengeth, and is furious; the LORD will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies.

Zephaniah 1:18
18Neither their silver nor their gold shall be able to deliver them in the day of the LORD's wrath; but the whole land shall be devoured by the fire of his jealousy: for he shall make even a speedy riddance of all them that dwell in the land.

Hmmmm . . . Jealousy is clearly a sin. God is clearly a jealous God. How then is God perfect? How is it that God commands us not to be jealous and has deemed it a sin – but he is allowed to be jealous? Moreover, if God is the omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient being that he claims to be, of what can he possible be jealous? Really. How does God go about being jealous when he can do anything he chooses? It’s akin to me being jealous of a molecule because that molecule does not worship and praise me. Is God really that insecure? Or is God just the biggest cosmic hypocrite?

Let us pray. “Dear Lord, we admire your willingness to admit your sins to us. Don’t be jealous of us. You can have anything you want – all with just a thought. When I am jealous of my neighbor’s car, I know that I will have to work very hard to get one or steal his. In any case, I can be jealous because there I things I do not have that my neighbor does have – like that frigginkegerator that he’s all proud of . . . Lord, do not smite us because you cannot contain your insecurities. In your name, AMEN.”

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Can You Fall From Grace

Greetings Bible Scholars! What a wonderful day to continue our study of the Holy Bible. I would like to thank all of the people who have e-mailed me, who have sent in their comments, and who have sent me the beautiful death threats (to whom my only reply is “neener, neener, neener.”)

Today’s topic is an important one to me. I think many people will appreciate the profound implications of what we will discuss today. Our topic is whether or not one can fall from grace. For many people, including many of my atheist readers, this is an important topic. If at one time in your life, you were a Christian and had accepted Christ as your savior but now are not, are you still saved. Well, many Christians will say that leaving Christianity will clearly sets you toward damnation. We need to see what the Bible says:

Galatians 5:4
Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.

Hebrews 6:4-6
For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

2 Peter 2:20-21
For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them.

1 Timothy 4: 1-2
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 2Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;

If we take a clear look at these verses, it seems pretty clear that you can backslide out of Christ’s grace. The last verse is especially clear about this. Peter is telling us that it is worse for people if they at one time have accepted Jesus and then are “entangled” in the pollutions of the world and to “turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them.” Additionally, we see that in the “latter times” some shall depart from the faith. This also seems to indicate that people can fall from grace.

One the other hand, there are verses in the Bible which tell us that one cannot fall from grace and that nothing can remove a person from grace. Let’s take a look:

John 10:28
And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It seems that our selections in 1 Timothy and Romans are completely at odds with each other. In once case (1 Timothy), Paul wants to tell us that seducing spirits will make people fall from grace. On the other hand, Paul assures us that nothing can separate us from God’s grace. In fact, many Christians believe in the doctrine of the Preservation of the Saints which suggests that one cannot fall away from Christ. See this link for more details. http://www.thecaveonline.com/APEH/calvinTULIP.html

Hmmm . . .

Let us pray. “Dear Lord, we are once again mystified by your word. Clearly you want us to know that we can backslide fall from grace and that we cannot backslide and fall from your grace. We are humbled once again by your magnificent opaqueness. We also pray for the atheists who have forsaken you. Those who once knew you and now speak against you are going to be in for a big surprise when they, too, get to go to heaven. Moreover, we pray for the Christians who will be even more surprised to see those dirty atheists walking around in your glory. In your spiffy name, AMEN.”

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Good day Bible Scholars! I am really excited about today’s topic. We are going to talk about whether or not God wants some people to go to hell. This is a . . . well . . . hot topic for many Christians. Some Christians would suggest that God certainly does want people to go to hell – most notable the enemies of the Christian faith. Others would argue that God does not want anyone to go to hell. The whole idea of hell gives us the willies. We are forced to confront the reality that people who reject God’s salvation through Jesus Christ are condemned to spend eternity in a lake of fire (Revelation 20:10-15.) This is a fearful place to go. The question that Christians have struggled with is whether or not God wants people to go there. If God is infinitely merciful (Hebrews 8:12) then he would never want anyone to go to hell. If God is infinitely just, (Deut. 32:4), he must want some people to go to hell since some people offend that justice.

Let’s try to settle this discussion. What does the Bible say about this specific question? Let’s take a look.

1 Timothy 2:3-4
God our Saviour; who will have all men to be saved.

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is ... not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Reviewing these verses, I think it is pretty clear that God does not want anyone to go to hell. 2 Peter 3:9 seems to be pretty clear about this. Cased closed. Thanks for joining us today.

WAIT!! We have more. Check these verses out:

Exodus 33:19 And he said, I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy.

Proverbs 16:4
The Lord hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil.

John 12:40
He hath blinded their eyes, and hardened their heart; that they should not see with their eyes, nor understand with their heart, and be converted, and I should heal them.

Romans 9:18
Therefore hath he mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth.

2 Thessalonians 2:11-12
God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned.

These verses seem to indicate that God does want people to go to hell. In fact, in some cases, God actually hardens hearts and sends out delusions to prevent them from entering into the blessed covenant with Jesus Christ. We can clearly infer that since God is doing the deluding (2 Thess 2:11-12), God must want some people to go to hell.

What are we to make of this? No wonder Christians are confused. If God is infinitely merciful then the first verses are true. If God is infinitely just, the second set of verses are true. If God is both we have a contradiction ....err…. Houston, we have a problem.

Let us pray. “Oh Lord, you have befuddled us once again. Our brains are just so small and so rational that we are unable to see the infinite irony that is your existence. We yearn to know – is we goin’ to hell or is we goin’ to heaven? Lord, show us your merciful side because we’re just really, really confused down here. In your name, AMEN.”

Monday, May 11, 2009


Good afternoon, Bible Scholars. We have an excellent topic for today. We are going to be discussing slavery. As a society, we have deemed that slavery is wrong. In all quarters of the United States, we have decided that slavery is immoral and cannot continue. In fact, we fought a war in large part over the issue of slavery. Hundreds of thousands of young men died as a result of this conflict. In this day and age, we consider enslavement an inherent wrong. The important question here, is should we consider slavery wrong? Is there something morally incorrect about owning and keeping slaves?

These may be absurd questions in this day and age. However, if we, as so many good Christians do, use the Bible as our moral compass, then we need to discuss what the Bible has to say on slavery. After doing some considerable research, I can make the following conclusions: slavery is not immoral at all. In fact, the Bible is quite clear that owning slaves is acceptable and even gives some guidelines as to the proper ways to handle slaves. Let’s take a look.

(We should take a minute here to study a couple of definitions. In the KJV – our standard Bible, servant and slave are used as synonyms. More modern editions of the Bible typically use slave where the KJV uses servant. For the purposes of this discussion, servant, bondsman, manservant, maidservant, slave, etc. all have the relative same definitions: that is a person who works for another has does not have the freedom to leave at will.)

Looking up the term “servant” in the King James Bible will net over 850 different citations. Clearly, we do not have the time and the space here to review them all. So, we shall review key selections.

Genesis 9:18-27
18And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan.
19These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
20And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
21And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
22And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
23And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.
24And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
25And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.
26And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
27God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

In this verse, we see that being a servant is not a pleasant thing. In fact, Noah curses the son’s of Ham to be the servants of the other brothers. This is important to note: slavery is not considered to be a pleasant thing by God. However, do not confuse something which is not pleasant to be something which is not moral. There are other parts of the Bible where people are cursed to be servants as well. Judging by the amount of whining the Jews did when they were enslaved in Egypt, (Exodus 5: 14-16 for example.) the Bible testifies that slavery is not a happy condition.

Exodus 21 provides us with more insight about God’s attitude toward slaves:
1Now these are the judgments which thou shalt set before them.
2If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.
3If he came in by himself, he shall go out by himself: if he were married, then his wife shall go out with him.
4If his master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters; the wife and her children shall be her master's, and he shall go out by himself.
5And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free:
6Then his master shall bring him unto the judges; he shall also bring him to the door, or unto the door post; and his master shall bore his ear through with an aul; and he shall serve him for ever.
7And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do.
8If she please not her master, who hath betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he hath dealt deceitfully with her.
9And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters.
10If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
11And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.
12He that smiteth a man, so that he die, shall be surely put to death.
13And if a man lie not in wait, but God deliver him into his hand; then I will appoint thee a place whither he shall flee.
14But if a man come presumptuously upon his neighbour, to slay him with guile; thou shalt take him from mine altar, that he may die.
15And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.
16And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death.
17And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.
18And if men strive together, and one smite another with a stone, or with his fist, and he die not, but keepeth his bed:
19If he rise again, and walk abroad upon his staff, then shall he that smote him be quit: only he shall pay for the loss of his time, and shall cause him to be thoroughly healed.
20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished.
21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
22If men strive, and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine.
23And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life,
24Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,
25Burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.
26And if a man smite the eye of his servant, or the eye of his maid, that it perish; he shall let him go free for his eye's sake.
27And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake.
28If an ox gore a man or a woman, that they die: then the ox shall be surely stoned, and his flesh shall not be eaten; but the owner of the ox shall be quit.
29But if the ox were wont to push with his horn in time past, and it hath been testified to his owner, and he hath not kept him in, but that he hath killed a man or a woman; the ox shall be stoned, and his owner also shall be put to death.
30If there be laid on him a sum of money, then he shall give for the ransom of his life whatsoever is laid upon him.
31Whether he have gored a son, or have gored a daughter, according to this judgment shall it be done unto him.
32If the ox shall push a manservant or a maidservant; he shall give unto their master thirty shekels of silver, and the ox shall be stoned.
33And if a man shall open a pit, or if a man shall dig a pit, and not cover it, and an ox or an ass fall therein;
34The owner of the pit shall make it good, and give money unto the owner of them; and the dead beast shall be his.
35And if one man's ox hurt another's, that he die; then they shall sell the live ox, and divide the money of it; and the dead ox also they shall divide.
36Or if it be known that the ox hath used to push in time past, and his owner hath not kept him in; he shall surely pay ox for ox; and the dead shall be his own.

What we have here is a list of rules, most of which concern how to treat and deal with slaves. The only reference to freeing slaves here is in reference to letting Jewish slaves go after 6 year and freeing slaves if you have knocked out an eye or a tooth. There is nothing in this chapter to suggest that slavery was immoral. Rather, it seems to be perfectly condoned – as long as a few rules are followed.

Even Jesus did not see the problem with slaves. In fact, many of his parables concerned themselves with the actions of slaves. Consider this parable:

Matthew 18:26-35
26The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
27Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
28But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
31So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
32Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
33Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
34And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
35So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

This is as close to freeing the slaves as anywhere in the Bible. Ultimately, in this story – no slaves are freed (the forgiven slave is re-enslaved and sent off to be tormented) nor does Christ command us to offer freedom to any slaves. In no other part of the story of Jesus does he call on us to free slaves. The only suggestion of this type is the idea that he would free us from our slavery to sin. What about the other books in the New Testament? What do they have to say about slavery?

Let’s look at an important verse:

Ephesians 6:5-9
5Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;
6Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart;
7With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men:
8Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.
9And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him.

Here Paul tells servants (slaves) to be obedient to their masters. Further, he tells masters to be kind to their slaves. Nowhere here does Paul encourage slaves to rebel or run away; nor does he tell masters to release their slaves. This verse tells us that even under the rules of the New Testament, slavery is permissible by God.

All in all, we can say clearly that the whole idea of slavery is a moral position based upon how the Bible treats the topic. Banning slavery may not be immoral either but we don’t have a Biblical leg to stand on if we are to consider slavery immoral.

Let us pray, “O Lord, we come to you humbled in the knowledge that we can own slaves. We hope and pray that this divine revelation can be used to assuage our guilt that we have from buying stuff at Wal-Mart. We know these people are slaves to that corporation and we know that slaves are used to make those low-cost sneakers. Lord, thank you for making us feel better about participating in slavery. In Jesus’ holy name, AMEN!”

Talk to you all next time!

Friday, May 8, 2009


Good afternoon Bible Scholars. We’re going to have a shorter devotional today but an really interesting one. Today’s topic is about our most favorite Bible character: Jesus. Obviously, with a whole religion built around Jesus, there has been much made about his character, his mission, and himself. Today, we are going to tackle a fundamental question about Jesus. Did Jesus come to bring peace to this world?

In many theologies, Christ is seen as the person/deity who was going to bring peace between God and man. Jesus was sent to Earth to die for mankind and pay for Adam and Eve’s little foul up. (Original sin and its consequences will be discussed in a later post.) In any case, because God the father seems tends to be a little pissed off with his creation and tends to want to smite as many of them as possible, Jesus if often portrayed as kind, gentle, and caring about the world.

Isaiah 9:6 is a verse which dubs Jesus as the “Prince of Peace” among other things. Let’s see what the other Bible writers day about Jesus and his mission:

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.

John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace.

Acts 10:36
The word which God sent unto the children of Israel, preaching peace by Jesus Christ.

These verses indicate that Jesus was here to bring peace. However, the Bible also shows another side of Jesus:

Matthew 10:34
Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

Luke 12:51
Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

Luke 22:36
He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.

Revelation 19:11
And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.

Hmmm . . . these verses seem to indicate that Jesus was here to bring strife and war. The first three are spoken by Jesus himself. The last one describes Jesus in the end times. Well . . . dear Bible scholars, what shall we make of this. First Jesus wants us to believe that he is about peace, love, and harmony between God and man. In the next breath, Jesus tells about all of the death, discordance, and destruction that he plans to sow on this Earth. Talk about a schizophrenic deity or we can face the reality of it all.

Jesus is just like his father, God. Jesus is a colossal prick. Jesus wants us to believe that he is a nice deity, but he really isn't that nice. Just like daddy, Jesus really wants to get about a smite some people. He’s gonna judge us in the end, so I cannot be led to believe that the cosmic acorn fell far from the tree.

Here is the final way the Jesus and God are alike. They don’t exist . . .

Let us pray, “Oh Jesus, we know that you have come to bring us peace and to smite everyone else. We know through your holy, yet wholly contradictory Bible, that you are the Prince and Peace and the great divider and maker of war. Bless us, oh Jesus and please do not smite us. In your name, AMEN!”

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Good Morning Biblical Scholars! Today’s Bible study is going to be about Noah and his ark. Our primary focus will be Genesis chapter 6. We will also be looking at several other verses throughout the Bible.

Traditionally, when we study the story of Noah, we discuss how man angered God and thus was slaughters nearly to extinction by God. We learn about how Noah, because found grace with God (Gen 6:8) was spared by building an ark. Not only did Noah build this ark, we placed all of the animals in the ark to also save them as well. Genesis 6:19 reads:

“And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.”

By this, we know that Noah took all of the animals on the ark with him. Any animal that survived the flood must have been on the ark with Noah.

Today, we are not going to focus on the logistics of the flood, the science behind the ark, and the apparent miracles it took for Noah to get a pair of all of the animals on the ark. Rather, I would like to focus on some of the more exotic animals that Noah must have had on the ark with him. Traditionally, we imagine a line of lions, hippos, kangaroos, and other animal placidly lining up two-by-two to enter the ark. However, these images are not complete unless we add the following creatures: unicorns, cockatrices, dragons, leviathans, melting snails, satyrs, and fiery flying serpents.

I know, dear reader, you must be perplexed. Why in the world would I even suggest that Noah had dragons on the ark with him? That, dear reader, is why you come to Reverend Brian’s Bible Study. We know that dragons must have been on the ark because the Bible talks about dragons after the flood. In fact, there are 34 post-deluge references to dragons in the Bible. Let’s take a look:

Deuteronomy 32:33Their wine is the poison of dragons, and the cruel venom of asps.

Nehemiah 2:13And I went out by night by the gate of the valley, even before the dragon well, and to the dung port, and viewed the walls of Jerusalem, which were broken down, and the gates thereof were consumed with fire.

Job 30:29 I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.

Psalm 44:19 Though thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons, and covered us with the shadow of death.

Psalm 74:13Thou didst divide the sea by thy strength: thou brakest the heads of the dragons in the waters.

Psalm 91:13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

Psalm 148:7Praise the LORD from the earth, ye dragons, and all deeps:

Isaiah 13:22And the wild beasts of the islands shall cry in their desolate houses, and dragons in their pleasant palaces: and her time is near to come, and her days shall not be prolonged.

Isaiah 27:1In that day the LORD with his sore and great and strong sword shall punish leviathan the piercing serpent, even leviathan that crooked serpent; and he shall slay the dragon that is in the sea.

Isaiah 34:13And thorns shall come up in her palaces, nettles and brambles in the fortresses thereof: and it shall be an habitation of dragons, and a court for owls.

Isaiah 35:7And the parched ground shall become a pool, and the thirsty land springs of water: in the habitation of dragons, where each lay, shall be grass with reeds and rushes.

Isaiah 43:20The beast of the field shall honour me, the dragons and the owls: because I give waters in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert, to give drink to my people, my chosen.

Isaiah 51:9Awake, awake, put on strength, O arm of the LORD; awake, as in the ancient days, in the generations of old. Art thou not it that hath cut Rahab, and wounded the dragon?

Jeremiah 9:11And I will make Jerusalem heaps, and a den of dragons; and I will make the cities of Judah desolate, without an inhabitant.

Jeremiah 10:22Behold, the noise of the bruit is come, and a great commotion out of the north country, to make the cities of Judah desolate, and a den of dragons.

Jeremiah 14:6And the wild asses did stand in the high places, they snuffed up the wind like dragons; their eyes did fail, because there was no grass.

Jeremiah 49:33And Hazor shall be a dwelling for dragons, and a desolation for ever: there shall no man abide there, nor any son of man dwell in it.

Jeremiah 51:34Nebuchadrezzar the king of Babylon hath devoured me, he hath crushed me, he hath made me an empty vessel, he hath swallowed me up like a dragon, he hath filled his belly with my delicates, he hath cast me out.

Jeremiah 51:37And Babylon shall become heaps, a dwellingplace for dragons, an astonishment, and an hissing, without an inhabitant.

Ezekiel 29:3Speak, and say, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I am against thee, Pharaoh king of Egypt, the great dragon that lieth in the midst of his rivers, which hath said, My river is mine own, and I have made it for myself.

Micah 1:8Therefore I will wail and howl, I will go stripped and naked: I will make a wailing like the dragons, and mourning as the owls.

Malachi 1:3And I hated Esau, and laid his mountains and his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness.

Revelation 12:3And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads.

Revelation 12:4And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.

Revelation 12:7And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
Revelation 12:9And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

Revelation 12:13And when the dragon saw that he was cast unto the earth, he persecuted the woman which brought forth the man child.

Revelation 12:16And the earth helped the woman, and the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed up the flood which the dragon cast out of his mouth.

Revelation 12:17And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

Revelation 13:2And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
Revelation 13:4And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?
Revelation 13:11And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.
Revelation 16:13And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.
Revelation 20:2And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years,

Wow! Yes, dear reader, Noah had to make room on the ark for these dragons. I do wonder how he fireproofed that section of the ark. We cannot know, because the Bible is not clear on this. But, since dragons were referenced in the Bible after the story of the flood, we can assume that dragons were on that boat.

Also, Noah had to make room on his ark for unicorns. There are nine references to unicorns in the post-deluge Bible as well. Let’s take a look:

Numbers 23:22God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of a unicorn.

Numbers 24:8God brought him forth out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of a unicorn: he shall eat up the nations his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows.

Deuteronomy 33:17His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh.

Job 39:9Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?

Job 39:10Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?

Psalm 22:21Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.

Psalm 29:6He maketh them also to skip like a calf; Lebanon and Sirion like a young unicorn.

Psalm 92:10But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of a unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.

Isaiah 34:7And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.

I wonder if Noah kept the unicorns with the horses or the antelope or with deer. But it is really cool that we actually have real, Biblical evidence for the existence of unicorns!

The ark also had some pretty scary creatures on board as well. These creatures include the cockatrice, the leviathan, and fiery flying serpents. I am not sure how Noah managed to keep the cockatrice from killing all of the other animals with a simple glare, but he must have managed it. We’re all here and so are all of the other animals. Let’s look at what the Bible says about these creatures:

Isaiah 11:8And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den.

Isaiah 14:29Rejoice not thou, whole Palestina, because the rod of him that smote thee is broken: for out of the serpent's root shall come forth a cockatrice, and his fruit shall be a fiery flying serpent.

Isaiah 59:5They hatch cockatrice' eggs, and weave the spider's web: he that eateth of their eggs dieth, and that which is crushed breaketh out into a viper.

Jeremiah 8:17For, behold, I will send serpents, cockatrices, among you, which will not be charmed, and they shall bite you, saith the LORD.

Job 41:1Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?
Psalm 74:14 Thou brakest the heads of leviathan in pieces, and gavest him to be meat to the people inhabiting the wilderness.
Psalm 104:26There go the ships: there is that leviathan, whom thou hast made to play therein.

Isaiah 27:1In that day the LORD with his sore and great and strong sword shall punish leviathan the piercing serpent, even leviathan that crooked serpent; and he shall slay the dragon that is in the sea.

Isaiah 14:29Rejoice not thou, whole Palestina, because the rod of him that smote thee is broken: for out of the serpent's root shall come forth a cockatrice, and his fruit shall be a fiery flying serpent.

Isaiah 30:6The burden of the beasts of the south: into the land of trouble and anguish, from whence come the young and old lion, the viper and fiery flying serpent, they will carry their riches upon the shoulders of young asses, and their treasures upon the bunches of camels, to a people that shall not profit them.

This menagerie really is cool. It really, really shows us the wonderful diversity of life that God created. However, there are two other creatures that the Bible talks about on that ark. These creatures are truly among the bizarre. First on the list is the incredible melting snail:

Psalm 58:8As a snail which melteth, let every one of them pass away: like the untimely birth of a woman, that they may not see the sun.

The next creature is one of my personal favorites, the satyr. Let’s take a look:

Isaiah 13:21But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there.

Isaiah 34:14 The wild beasts of the desert shall also meet with the wild beasts of the island, and the satyr shall cry to his fellow; the screech owl also shall rest there, and find for herself a place of rest.

I am not sure how this creature did on the ark. As a half man-half goat, I am curious to know if he played fun tunes for the animals on his flute or if he just sat in the corner and cried. The Bible is silent on that fact. What it is not silent on is the fact that this creature must have been on the ark since it is clearly mentions after the flood story in the Bible.

What is of particular interest is that modern science has concluded that none of these creatures exist. There is no scientific evidence for any of these creatures. This truly disturbs me as a Bible scholar. The Bible is God’s infallible word to his people. If the Bible says dragons, satyrs, or melting snails exist, we know that they have to be around. Modern zoologists, however, can’t seem to find any of these creatures. This has to be some sort of conspiracy by scientists to attempt to prove the Bible wrong. Or perhaps . . .

Let us pray. “Dear Lord, we are amazed at your wonderful creation. We are equally amazed that Noah survived the flood in the ark with this perfectly wondrous menagerie of animals. We beseech thee Lord. We pray that you will give us the sight of these animals. We pray that the alleged scientists will find at least one of these creatures as proof of your inerrant word, the Bible. In your name, AMEN.”

Thanks for joining me!